June 24th, 2021. (Second Part)

I have one more task to do from my therapy, which is somewhat complicated, I have been with her for about 7 months, and I have changed a lot if I look at my journey, however, the more time passes and the more you polish and change the way of seeing life and how to react to difficult situations, I have realized that the work of consciousness that is done concerning oneself is harder and harder. Like, for example, mistrust, is my subject to deal with. Quite a difficult topic for me because of all the life lessons I carry from the past. 

I had the "great" idea of making a list of all the men I had slept with to see how many I will have by the end of my life (such a silly thing to do), but, after a while, I started to take it very seriously, to that degree of psychological self-destruction, I got. 

I think that's where the feeling of guilt, shame, humiliation, and punishment comes from. I felt empty, drained, and gray. That's how I went to London, that energy I carried, that's how I met him, the one who locked me in a room and the love he said he had for me was only within 4 walls. I got used to being alone in public to be faithful to him, so that even though I wasn't with him, people wouldn't see me with anyone, to keep it a secret, but at the same time, I envied couples who could walk holding hands without feeling ashamed to be seen giving each other signs of affection.

After that toxic relationship, I started another one too (if one wasn't enough), and I was with both of them simultaneously. A 20-year-old, married, with children, and my twin flame (that's how I call him), a 25-year-old, single, without children, but an only son. For the first one, I was his mistress. For the second one, I was his "while I find something else", always in the last place. And that's also where I put myself too, for allowing myself to be treated that way.

Now I realize clearly that there is nothing more important than me, than my own body, my soul, my feelings, I like to be well and feel well, I don't want anything to disturb my inner peace, and that work that has cost me to make me aware of many things to let them go as soon as they happen.

To continue...

Xx

Gre. ❤